My life shifted on the 25th of a month. After that night, events happened, one after another, as if the ground underneath my feet turned into cascading dominoes. The crash splintered my mind and heart, and I carried jagged shards inside–flashbacks, paranoia, tainted memories, and varied anxieties.
Since that day, time spiraled and grew heavy every time the 25th of a month approached, and I dreaded it. The 25th reminded me of what happened. The 25th made memories slither through my body, pulling me back into the past.
PTSD was cruel that way.
It would take a year for me to learn how to soothe my bleeding edges, to fiercely lean into healing, and to rediscover grace in the midst of it
“You need to associate new memories to the triggers,” my therapist said. “Rewire your brain.”
Every time my body braced itself for the 25th because of the memories that it bled with, all I had to do was…
“Make new memories,” she said. “Intentionally make new and good memories.”
So this is where I am.
This is why I send newsletters to you on the 25th of every month.
This is why I keep writing.
Every time I hit that publish button on the 25th, I stare back at my past, broken self, and I reach out to her with gentler arms and a healing mind, and I tell her—“Hey, you still have something good to write about now. Something worth remembering. I look forward to these new stories for you on the 25th of every month now.”
So, to further associate good things to the 25th, here are 25 things I’ve learned about healing.
Healing is messy.
- It’s non-linear without a predictable upward drift, especially in the earlier stages.
- Some days bring you two steps ahead. Other days drag you back to the beginning.
- Healing takes longer than most people expect.
- It can be confusing because the mind and body don’t heal at the same time. Your mind may logically know that you’re safe now, but your body might not believe it yet.
- Shattered bones need surgery, rehab, time, and care—a lot of time and care. We don’t expect someone with broken legs to run the next day. It’s the same with mental wreckage.
- You can be healing and still have hard days—and this does not make you weak.
Spiritual bypassing doesn’t heal wounds.
- Advice like “Just have faith” or “Just pray about it” may be well-intentioned, but these clichés don’t heal trauma.
- Same with “It’s all in the past” and “Just move on.”
- Bypassing wounds are as good as stamping a feeble bandaid on an open, infected wound. Pus is bound to ooze out. It’s the same with trauma.
Healing requires the space to release emotions.
- Brokenness must be met with comfort before it can be ready for answers.
- Healing means being allowed to grieve, to lament, and to be angry over losses and injustice.
- It entails not shaming the human heart for being broken.
- Actually, frayed nervous systems can’t be shamed into healing either.
- Sometimes, the mind is so broken–it makes the heart believe that the trauma was your fault. But healing happens when you stop blaming yourself for something you didn’t ask for, nor could control.
Healing happens in a community.
- Pain must be witnessed, but in a safe place. Healing rarely happens in isolation.
- Not everyone will understand your pain…and that’s okay.
- A few friends will understand. Keep those friends close.
- There will be some who don’t understand, but will listen and stay anyway. Again, keep those friends.
- A friend’s presence heals more than someone’s half-hearted promises to “pray for you.”
Healing doesn’t guarantee a blank slate.
- Healing doesn’t always mean forgetting. It can mean remembering the past without letting it destroy your present.
- It doesn’t mean becoming numb to pain. Nor does it mean erasing pain. Healing is holding fast to the hope that pain will not have final word over your life.
- Healing means pressing into every glimpse of joy that the day can muster, no matter how small that glimmer of light can be in comparison to everything else.
God is a healer.
- God sees every pain, every tear, and every flashback. And He stays.
- He can meet you where you are to heal your heart, but He can also use therapy, sleep, and good food to care for you. He also sends unexpected people to comfort you.
- Healing happens with His grace, even if it takes a while…
… it’s still ongoing for me.
Photo Credits
Woman and purple sky by Max Statnykh
Study desk by Polina
Friends and sunset by guleycan sonmez
